Trending on eBay for all us fatties….
I don’t often take too much notice of the “trending on eBay” heading, but, given that it’s the third week of January, desperation can start to set in, and they are often too good to be true, particularly for my line of work. Yes folks, we’re seeing the plethora of gadgets for “get-slim-kwik” promises that are made in January, and turned to dust by the first week of February.
No amount of weird wheels that you push along your laminate will do anything for your dinner lady arms….how did you even get those, aren’t you too young (quick note; NOBODY is too young); all they do is make you feel silly, and look it, to be quite honest. There’s the bathroom scales that encourage you to take off every item of jewellery you have, and even pull out your contacts before you step on them, because they must weight something, right? Exercise bikes that will soon just be holding your ironing (you know it’s true, we’ve all done it), and proteins shakers that we’ll chuck out after 2 weeks because something weird seems to be growing in the bottom and we can’t bear to look any further.
There was a lovely juxtaposition of items ( I love it when I can say juxtaposition, never happens enough); the food portion control plate, and the flatware display dressers. I can’t tell you enough how much I want these two things in my house. I particularly want the plates that have “YOU FAT FUCK” emblazoned across them so they’ll be right in my visitors’ (imaginary visitors, I’m autistic, remember, I don’t do visits) faces. How gorgeous. Can you imagine it?
Lookie folks, the only way to shed the extra poundage is by a bit of lifestyle change, common sense, hypnotic suggestion that will stop you filling your face with things that are going to make you feel like shit, and a bit of Paula magic (or arse kicking, whichever way you look at it). It’s National Obesity Awareness week peeps, it’s here all week, and so am I.
My Fat Girl (or Lad) Thin Programme is the Shiz. Seriously. If you don’t lose weight, I will bare my arse in Lewis’ window. Furthermore, if you don’t lose weight, I will kick you out of the programme and give you the rest of your money back because if you’re not up to it, what’s the point? 12 weeks, six sessions, daily contact, lose weight, gain self respect. £597.
So, what do you say? You up for it? Drop me a message if you are up for a challenge. Sod this new year, new you crap; show us how it’s REALLY done.